Monday, November 27, 2006
its been so long that i dont know where to start anymore. to say that life is a rollercoaster would be a fucking cliche said once too many. but truth is, life is. and it still is. and its always going to be one. my life's changed so much over the past month or so. im not complaining, really. it just feels so weird. having to learn to adapt to new circumstances, facing new obstacles, and to feel intense regret at the people you leave behind.

i dont understand why i cant balance my life out more evenly. why my life can only be constrained to one person and one person only. with her, i forget everything else. she's always on my mind. when im working. when im tearing my hair out doing kids recovery. when im eating. before i sleep. and when i wake. im not thinking of her. she's just there (: we quarrel but we make up. its these quarrels that makes us stronger, yes? what rubbish. i dont know if its true or not. hahaha.

never ending expanse of smooth bronze skin. immeasurable pleasure. nectar on her lips. huge toes chipmunk she's my baby (:

baby is so over rated. she doesnt understand that when i call her by her name, it means something so much more to me. there's this weird reversal that has taken place and her name has lost its significance along the way ):

work is good. so far. ive been commended by a customer. i helped her find a book called marley and me. some book abt the world's worst dog or something. her name's hana. and even though she wont read this, i want to thank her for boosting my confidence and making me a much cheerful person since. doing reg is awesome. i love it when there's a challenge. i love routine. and i love how customers pay by credit card and there's a million things to do when they spend more than $150.

i fucking hate kids recovery. i dont know where kids come from these days. where my friends and i come from, we were taught something called manners. as in, we learn not to run about screaming murder like a couple of headless chickens or to throw books around after we're done with them. i mean, i thought it only common sense to put it back where we took it from, right? god. kids these days. i'd throttle every single one if i could. i swear.

im missing out on a lot with my friends. i hardly know where i stand now. they would be irritated with me by now, choosing to think that i treat them as fair-weather friends. i wished i'd take more effort in keeping these ties. im such a loser. i cant wait for our annual xmas get together. i miss them.

life's pretty harsh right now. getting nearly broke and everything. but its ok. i'd survive ((:

the blue day book is an awesome read and well worth my money. it never fails to cheer me up (:

riahh ranted at 10:04:00 PM