Friday, October 20, 2006
i cant help but feel disappointed at my results. of course there was an improvement and all my teachers are really really pleased. and they've been really encouraging and supportive and nice. but it doesnt alter the fact that i still feel disappointed. now that im on a roll i feel that my results could have been better. im hardly ever satisfied with my results. and i hate econs now. really. ive been thoroughly disappointed. i wish u could have done better.

european history was a mix of happy and sad. ms nora has been mighty encouraging but im disappointed. ah wells ((: there's still common test. and i swear and i swear and i swear i will beat his ass soon. im gonna ace my lit this time. and i can hardly believe that im going to a new school next year and fucking sit for my A levels. like whoaaaa.

pw sucks. honest to god. my mates left me all alone to settle the damned WR. not that im complaining but i could have used the pictures mighty quick. i wish siettie would stop being in her little own world sometimes. yes.

i will strive for an A for mother tongue ((:

i have so many things to look forward to. daddy just bought me a pair of new running shoes for my marathon. i wanted the lime green pair but the maroon one was much cheaper. heh. save where you can people! ((: and now im so psyched. im not gonna disappoint my dad. i love running! heh.

WHY DO I SOUND LIKE THIS? lols. so whiny and so.. ewww.

new school. new supplies. new people to meet.

why is jacq going up to next year? she's such a smug miss know-it-all and it simply just irks me that she gets advanced. im so angry angry angry. and next year will be a pretty bad year seeing that i dont seem to want to let go of this in a long time. grahh. its like she knew it was coming. almost as if she had it planned. she wasnt disappointed and she didnt shed any tears. family problems? what family problems?! argh. so frustrating. so irritating. i wish i could flick her away like i do a bug. loser.

im not gonna be seeing shiva next year. she got kicked out. i wont say that im all emo about it because i expected it. sort of. but its a hard blow to her i know. it may have occured to her many times but the real thing still hurts. she's cried so much and i wished i could have done so much more to make her feel better. but im such a loser when it comes to crying people. i just cant. but i hope that ive done enough to make her smile.

i dont know if my suddent fondness for her is genuine or because of pity. i dont want to end up hurting anyone. i hope we wont fall into those stupid traps again. its so hard to climb out of it. hmm. im just gonna sit tight and wait. but its gonna be weird tho. going to school without her next year.

and if people ask if im emo next year im gonna retort - do you expect me to mourn all my life? harsh. yes i know. but hey thats life.

raya is coming. IM SO EXCITED LAH. hahaha. even tho this year is pretty crappy and such. ah wells. i still enjoy raya. a lot.

i thought i had gotten over him already. after that time out with him last weekend. but then i saw him again on tuesday and he looked so hot and so cute. and i know he saw me hold hands with yew hao and he didnt acknowledge the both of us after that. and then he came back to school today and he looked so silly and rumpled with that carpet hair of his and.. huge sigh.

I WANT TO RUN AND RUN AND RUN ((: away from everything. i do.

riahh ranted at 6:13:00 PM