Saturday, October 28, 2006
its unfair how im so selfish about wanting her, how i dont want anyone else having her.

and im such a screwup when she's upset. i cant do anything about it. i cant dish out words of comfort like how others can. the only thing i can do is just wish hopelessly that i was there so that i could hug her. so what did i do last night? i played her the stupid song from untalkative bunny and sang her the theme songs from catdog and other stupid cartoons.

i wish people didnt have to hurt her.

do i, do i, do i? do i really want her so badly? why? when she asked me last night it got me thinking. why do i like her so much? is it because she gives me that emotional support i havent had in a long time? or is it because ive found someone to spoil? at times i feel this sudden outburst of love that surprises me. and i'd feel that constant ache from missing her so much. i want to see her and i want to feel her. and i want to tell her that im here.

what if one day, like she says, i wake up and everything's just a dream? that everything i felt and did and breathed was a lie? im afraid of that. im afraid of being the one that hurts her the most. because i feel so much for her. i dont knw why i do. she means so much to me. i want to see her everyday.

every single damned day.

baby, i like you.

riahh ranted at 11:46:00 PM