Wednesday, September 13, 2006
its a week left to promos. its make it..

or make it well ((:

and im much inclined to believe the latter. the one week was such a blessing. i really managed to finish the bulk of my econs and for now all im focussing on mainly is history. i hate myself. look at the way im writing. it sucks. it lacks substance. its like playing music. you stop for a day and you deteriorate.

you stop writing for a day and it reduces you to such cowering shame.

i havent written a single gp essay in weeks. maybe months now. i havent been doing gp. i havent been doing anything remotely english. i should kill myself yes?

*slits writs and slashes throats.

school's been good. fun really. what with the imminent promos. IM ACTUALLY LISTENING IN HISTORY TWO AND GP. i have been successfully late this whole week. i saw him on monday and i said good morning when i got off the bus in what i hoped was a demure and i-just-woke-up-look-im-all-rumpled-and-cute kind of voice. and he told candyheart - she said good morning to me today. and her glasses were all misty.

misty? misty?! LIKE OMFG. hahahaha. he embarrasses me. every single fucking time. and there was that little affair of the note on aiziah's table. grr. its time like this that you wish you had more sense to check yourself before you do something.

one week was a conflicting emo roll. and then school came and i fell for him all over again ((: he's amazing. truly amazing. WELL. i hope absence makes the great grow fonder because i havent seen him for quite some time now ((:

HE READS MY BLOG! my my. i mean i never really thought he'd go. but he does. and the confirmation makes it seem so unreal somehow. like.. whoaaa. this entry is so bimbotic.

anyway. i had a little tiff with judy a few days ago. sometimes i wish she had more sense. she disgusts me most times. she does. i hate people who are desperate. its like. they have no self-restraint. no self-containment. no sense of shame. no shred of pride or humility. what is wrong with her? why is she so hard up for money? is money really important? look at the stuff she buys! its all inferior goods. granted she buys more of them so she has more choices.

BUT.

she's such a fucking spendthrift and she doesnt know how to fucking save her fucking money. if i can do it i dont see why she cant. i get $15 a week and thats super pathetic. but i still get to buy shivaaa food. being penniless is one of her greatest fears. doesnt that show how shallow she really is?

learn to be smart. exploit people.

she appears to get more pay than me. and i give my mum allowance all the time even when we arent talking. i have lesser disposable income. but im living a happier life than her. i wish she wouldnt disgust me so much. even when we are together i'd compare. she's so.. ah lian. i see her smses and it just fucking disgusts me.

money money money. its the bane of her very existence. SHE should kill herself. for being such a pathetic shallow person.

im being harsh? well sorry. i feel this way. all the time. and it frustrates me to no end. and this new MLM thing? its pathetic. and she's pathetic. the world should die. THE END.

i hate it when my mum doesnt appreciate me for the things that i do. she sees the things that i didnt do and doesnt acknowledge the ones that i do make effort to do. i hate her fucking new job. stop telling me to try to understand her. why cant people understand ME? she's such a bitch sometimes. all she does is sit around and bitch about people after work.

i cried on the phone with shivaaa before a few nights back. i do miss the times with my mum. i mean times when she used to feed me and you know. mummy-daughter stuffs. ah well. im so used to solitude and independence now. all i need is my damned key back and im a happy girl.

oh my knitted top smells like MOS. im never gonna wash it mann. let the smell and memories linger. MOS is fun ((:

i think i went a little too far with shivaa today. when i played a prank on her saying that i had gotten into an accident. ah shucks. so now im faced with the humiliation that athree has to offer me. i deserve that. i do. a million apologies to her. i hope ive placated her. i bought her a muffin! pouts.

i cried on monday. i cried because i was frustrated and angry. because i had to wait more than an hour for her. and she didnt bother to tell me to wait. the time i wasted could have been better spent studying. but i let myself fall into clutches of temptation. she caught me crying. good. that was what i wanted. i wanted her to see how upset i was.

i havent been doing my job. not at all. ive been scantily reading up on history but nothing else. need to start re-revising econs ((: if not an A at least a B. anything but a C.

i just want to beat him in exams. this need to do better than him. better better way better than him.

I LOVE MYSELF.

riahh ranted at 9:21:00 PM