Monday, September 05, 2005
everything that revolves arnd me hurt me. everything reminds me of you. we've been apart five months. but i still cant get over you. each time i think i do. i realise i havent. i make excuses along the way to convince myself. it works most of the time. but then people will come up to me and tell me casually some things abt you. and it brings back the pain within me.

gosh im emo again.

i see cirque de soleil on tv. i remembered that you and ms tan are going for it. i hear familiar songs on the radio and i remembered that you once sang to me albeit croakily and terribly out of tune. i hear lyrics and suddenly everything seems relatable. i look at you and feelings come crashing.

ive not heard here without you by three doors down in ages. im afraid i'll just cry. that was the one song you left on my mailbox. how i wished i had saved it then. you used to stay up all night just talking chatting mindlessly online with me while i forced myself to do homework. you called me up once during ur night shift and told me you were in a room where no one was arnd. you told me sweet nothings. and kissed me over the phone. muah muah muah. you told me i was the apple of your eye. you told ur friends proudly that i had legs like beyonce knowles.

i havent eaten mac in five months. because eating there only brings back more memories. i know its stupid. what do i do that isnt? you always paid for everything during all those months together. you dont usually have much for urself but you never said anything. when you didnt have enough you ALWAYS upsized mine even tho i cant finish them at times. you always made sure i ate enough. you bought me to lots of places to eat. you never said no.

you loved me. i know you loved me. and i loved you too. i still do.

you said you'd treat me like a queen. and you did. i knew you were upset when guys showed interest. i know that affected you because im certain you loved me back then. but sth happened honey. what happened? can you tell me? i dont want to keep guessing. i dont want to feel hurt each time people tell me that you like someone else.

i want you back so bad honey. i cant stop you from liking others. im not gona rush you. im going to take it all in. im gona be a good girl again. and maybe one day you will come back to me then. because im really crazy over you. ive not felt crazy over anyone like this. you're just special lah.

i'll wait years for you. isolate myself and be an island like how you used to be like before you left. im not doing it for you. im doing it because i cant find it in myself to let anyone in again. no one compares to you. not even close.

riahh ranted at 10:10:00 PM