Friday, September 02, 2005
today was such a waste of time please. only had two periods of mother tongue. studied a little and then we had free periods all the way. contemplated watching a movie but apparently we had to ask permission from mrs ong if we wanted to leave school.

a bit of class bonding with the lee family and the pms gang and such. love love. whiled the time away playing truth or dare. some explicit dares thought up by none other than julianne. some seductive moves by kim. some.. i dont think i should say the rest. LOL. but i think judy is some heck of a camerawoman la please. hahaha. she caught me and jules kissing at an angle that would make porn stars sweat with jealousy (:

hilmi once asked me incredulously why the heck i always noticed him staring at girls/women/old hags alike. truth is. i enjoy watching him watching girls. hahaha. something human in it.

no no no no baby
no no no no dont lie

anywayy. him being from a guys school and stuff. i guess he doesnt get to see that many girls on a daily basis (: i love watching this almost pubescant look flare up in his eyes as he mentally summed up a girl in his mind. he's a wonder really. he went 'WHOA' while looking at the model's assets in the papers. i watched him with a small smile playing on my lips. he was oblivious to my stares; he was busy pooling all his saliva together.

ahh. i love him so. tskk. if i were an artist i would have captured his countenance and paint it down so that i will never forget it. the one time when he's really him.

lunched at holland v's bk. hilmi and his inferiority complex. HAHAHA. he made me check to see if a lot of the ac and sa people were arnd. hahaha. cute much? and he couldnt keep his eyes off the other jc students as we ate. he kept on muttering and mumbling and at one point proclaimed loudly that we must be really daring millennians to eat here. HAHAHA.

came home. played with cat. watch tv. ate dinner. read a book. showered. and i feel fresh. but my mind's undoubtedly in a whirl of emotions yet again. romance books are no-nos in my life because they only cease to remind me of the painful past. tmr im going down to unity and that really cheered me up (:

books play a part in helping me cope with all this breakup thing thang. and hilmi said sth along the same lines too. that guys like girls who are challenging. who play hard to get. not desperados who try too hard to get the guys to like them. and for that simple explanation i will not make a fuss abt what i wear tmr. HEEE (:

the pms gang saw him at bukit batok during the hols. and yes of course he's handsome (: I TOLD CHA! love love.

he asked wency to come back and teach. i'd be lying to say if i wasnt affected. that notion weighed on my mind all day. im not upset by the fact that he asked her. she's better than me miles off. i was affected by the fact that.. im not good enough for him to ask me back and teach the trombonists. being out of practice for ages is definitely not a plus sign. if i were anywhere near wency i think he would have set aside the differences and thought of the best of the band and not for his own interests.

no matter what happens. i make sure i play to impress at philyouth's audit. i was extended an invitation. and i will jolly well play my best. and i will stay in there and be the best that i can. i want to play well. well enough to teach. i want to teach. if not for anything. its for him. to show him that i can be as good as wency.

i want him back. i really do. but i will wait. i will bide my time. because i will never forget the honey i knew during the first few mths together.

riahh ranted at 11:58:00 PM