Saturday, August 20, 2005
liyi : omg. OMG! how come all the bad things happen to you at once?

i dont knw liyi. today my hamster died. i just stared at it and let it be. i buried it after i came home. as usual no one wanted to go for alumni what with projects and shatec dinner and the likes. even yew hao didnt go.

bahh. im sure he was upset. im sorry.

my playing sucks. wait a minute. what playing? i cant even go through my Bb scale without breaking down on G. and when i played the high notes i sound like litang. when i opened my throat i sound like andy. i suck. everything sucks. i cant play anything. i dont sound decent. i sound like crap. ive got no tone. ive got no strength. ive got nothing.

except my anamalai xixabangma gang.

and so i packed up and i left just like that. i msged them and they were just so nice la. asking me if i wanted to call and talk. and then liyi gave me words of encouragement. asking me to move on and stuff. i felt so bad. they were having a performance in an hour's time but they still took the time to make sure i was okay.

left for town. toured tanglin mall. shopped. hoop earrings. hurrah! went to downtown orchard. bought hilmi and liyi $1.95 cookies from watsons. its the thought that counts please (: walked arnd taka basement. love that food place below.

167 was a bitch. reached there a few mins too late. felt so proud seeing hilmi and liyi play. LOL. tho ake dont interest me much at all. but it was nice music. hilmi so rawkk on the flute please. and liyi looked at ease with the world behind her rack of angklungs (: some emo music. jules siettie tutz and kendri came.

they ordered food and stuff but i decided to leave for school with hilmi and gang. sorry guys.

i love liyi and hilmi please. for just being there and making me feel all better. and making me feel that it isnt the end of the world and that everything's going to be fine. much talks of needing motherly love and such. hahaha. much love to them please.

i know he thinks im stupid. im stupid because i take things too hard. and i dont knw how to move on. that i worry so much over such a small little thing like denying me the chance to go down to unity.

well MR refat. for someone who is as heartless and emotionless as you. i see the reason why ur inclined to feel that way. but most of us do have feelings. while you think of only yourself and your well being. there are people who put others before themselves.

in five months this feels like a second breakup. i felt the familiar twinge of.. something. recognised the feeling when the tears threatened to spill at any second. the distancing myself from the people arnd me. crawling back into my shell. keeping my head down and my mouth shut.

hilmi : are you ok?

no. im not. i took months to recover from that first breakup. how long will i take now? i dont knw. time will heal. but no one knws how long it'll take.

hilmi : dont be emo okayys?

you know. tts really a very innovative way of saying dont be sad.

to all the unity members who tagged : i love you. really i do.

riahh ranted at 11:38:00 PM