Wednesday, May 18, 2005
my period is playing with my emotions in ways i never knew before.

what a mistake it was. eating at west mall. what a mistake it was to go to judy's hse at yew tee. what a mistake everything was. why why today of all days? its supposed to be a normal day where i go hang out with my gang after school and stuff. well yes. we did. hang out. wanted to pon heats. but we went anyway. it beats staying at home.

tks to umeeta for teaching me~! wont disappoint you i promise. =). and glad knwing u. haha.

after heats went judy hse den went to boat quay to drink. bahahaha. i wish. we went there to catch a kitten for judy. but yeah saw two. but they damn hard to catch. spent one hour plus. den got damn pissed lar. so sorry to judy okayys? =). tks for being nice and saying its not my fault.

its so easy talking to you too. cause u really listen. can talk to you abt anything. talking abt everything abt him and me really eased my emotional baggage. brings back the memories yes.

okayys. enough with the fake hoo haa.

today i cant deny it. i miss you a lot. okayys? but no ur busy chasing after some girl who's only a year older than me. its my blog and i dont really give a damn who sees it. i dont care who you're interested in but what bloody affects me is how fast you forgot me. a matter of minutes. overnight. and suddenly ur chasing someone else.

i wont get into a relationship cause i dont want to put another girl through what i put you through.

all bullshit la refat. every promise u made has never been kept. what made me think that ud keep this one too? cause i trusted you. chasing after false hope. i liked you that much you idiot. i made so many sacrifices for you. i didnt complain. as long as i was able to help you id go that far. as long as i could make you happy id do anything.

i went through the wrath of my seniors because of you. friendships with cousin bands were precarious because of you. because they hated you and because i always stood up for you. i stayed up all night worrying because of you. because i cared that much for you. i took the trouble to write a petition and collect signatures because of you. i got banned from MY OWN BAND because of you. yes i was hurt. but no i didnt mind. as long as i helped. one word of comfort from you and i wiped my tears and knw that everything's gona be ok.

im not gona waste my time recalling all the stupid things i did to ensure ur happiness. its all the past which im trying hard to forget. i want to move on. i dont want to get stuck here with memories of you. how hard could it be to pacify me? a simple word. a simple sms and it brings a smile to my face. i must have been an easy prey. unreasonable. but easy.

sometimes ur arrogance just gets to me. and u wonder why i get upset. when i read what ppl write about you. even though u brush it off. it makes me think how true all their words are.

and today i got so pissed when i called queen. i took the time to persuade people to go. call them up to ask who going. wah wee hoo. when i call queen she told me she told you. when was that? just a little while ago she said. OH PLEASE. if you dont want me to help you and you'd rather have her please dont go and waste my time.

this is my blog. i want to plaster ur name all over also its my prerogative. if i tell you that huier never say anything please at least have that basic trust for me. stop being so sensitive also lar. she where got look at u funny? its just ur conscience maybe? bleargh. yeah i knw ur career on the line here. i know where to stop la okayys?

if i want to talk to the whole world. you cant stop me. if im gona write an article in the papers and publicise our big hoo haa. you cant stop me. but i knw my own limits. and i knw when to stop. stop bossing me arnd.

why do i even bother mincing my words knwing that u will read? because i still fucking care and i dont want to get into ur bad books. but sometimes ur really the limit. still i live and let live.

and i cant make up my mind whether i still like you or not. out of ten times. all ten times u piss me off. but still there's tt tiny flame of something which refuses to snuff out. if i hurt ur feelings - oh wait do u even have those? - well sorray. if u have a career on hand which u wish to concentrate on yeah well all the best to you.

life. a world of contradictions. around you. all lies. why do i still like you?

riahh ranted at 9:43:00 PM