Sunday, May 15, 2005
tt feeling of restlessness within me again. i hate sundays. grrh.

but i had a wonderful dream last night. if dreams could come true. i would definitely want this one to come true. i dreamt of mr jj =).

and yes. thanks to weird blokes who cant seem to sleep in on sundays. i woke up. msges and calls. bleahh. cant we do this at night? nows sleepy sleepy time. *yawns.

woke up anyway. finished reading tuesdays with morrie. and tts finally sth else that can be checked off. tks bin bin. he asked me yesterday if i had started crying cause the dude was almost dying. and i said no. i wont cry.

as much as its lessons were meaningful. i couldnt help scoffing at the ridiculously simplistic nature of how the story was written. could anyone at all in this world be so good? so pure? so absolutely flawless? so full of life's lessons? choosing to sit and watch the leaves change over time rather than chasing after material wealth?

and then it would hit me in the face. the culture that i have grown up in has caused me to think this way. to scoff at people who were more determined to lead a happier life by doing simple things. i am admittedly one of those who hanker mercilessly for unnecessary material wealth. spending endless time and money. and endless worrying that my things can never be as good as the rest.

what if one day i could learn to ignore society and their stereotyped thinking? would i be happier? if i could go to school carrying a simple bag. no op. no ripcurl. no roxy. people would snigger and stare. would i let it get to me? no mp3s. no handphone. nothing.

morrie lived while he was dying. changes can be made till ur very last breath. he was still changing as his body slowly broke down. he became a better person. he listened while people talked. he never recalled past conversations. or thought abt whether his meals were ready. or whether the weather outside was a million degrees. when u talked to morrie. he was with you. he listened to you. nothing else mattered.

if people would read his book and let it affect you even a little as it did to me. maybe the world would be a much happier place. if we learnt to forgive people. if we learnt to be more patient. if we learnt to live and let live. maybe we could change people ppl like li ling and nazri.

there is nothing wrong with feeling sorry for urself. you could wake up one morning and cry but thats ok. allow urself a few mins of self pity and then get on with the rest of the day. uve had ur share of self pity.

for every one death. there is one life. and for every one life there is one death. its a cycle.

how much do i really believe in this? not all. but i hope to become a better person after this. its just me against society. how far can i go? i want to be remembered should i pass away one day. death ends a life but not a relationship. =).

tts why i hope to try everything out here in mi before i leave. so far ive been late. so far ive had to pick up leaves cause i was late. so far i have skipped school. i have yet to go for detention and suspension. =PpP. hehs. i want my stay in mi to be memorable. hehe.

mr jj always listens when i talk. =). but i have yet to find him again. i want to talk to mr jj! my time with him was so brief! grrr. i miss you mr jj. where are you?

i hear stories in songs. do you? elisabeth and madurodam rawkks.

riahh ranted at 2:46:00 PM