Sunday, May 15, 2005
why do i bother to write inconsequential details anyway? do people really care that i rushed to town to get gifts for siti meng and suzhen? or that i got tix from refat many minutes later? sheeesh. =PpP. tts called juxtaposition people. wah hahaha.

makes me wonder too. when people read my blog. do their eyes scan thru looking for their names. or do they really take the time and effort to read what i have slogged my guts over? hmm.

my phobia acted up again today. i was perspiring and was breathless. my fists clenched involuntarily and i panicked. i was just so afraid. i wish i could tell mr jj how i felt. he would comfort me and say its ok =(.

ok so yes. mr wong just cant remember my name and he shocked me by coming up to me as i waited for jannah hilda and weixing and saying 'hello maimunah's sister.' i cannot be bothered to correct him anymore. tskk. didnt want to miss the first song so i quickly went inside. sat alone until the spartacus was over. later cheng yee nura and three of them joined me.

what can i say? would it be polite to say it was just.. ok? nothing mind blowing or anything. but definitely not worth my 12 bucks. the opening piece wasnt nice at all. i think the perc ensem was nonsense lar. but a bit sad to see people not participating. the four of us were clapping along but there were no one else.

tt dude who composed the song. wahh. damn nice man the song. the alto sax was not bad also larr. the band had only an ok tone. average. not at their peak maybe? vch didnt bring back for me many memories as i would have liked it to have. maybe because i was suffering from the after effects of my phobia. maybe the concert wasnt nice. whatever it was. i didnt enjoy it much.

and the tbone solo. my god.

and so me and nura started talking. and she roped two more shuqun people into our convo. she wanted to join an outside band and asked me along. and i dont knw why she was under the pretext that i was still in swsy. like big deal is it? does being in an outside band gives one identity? so yes anyway we're all gona audit together. with kel too i think. wee hoo? yeah i guess.

went back with cheng yee and the three of them. crapped arnd a lot. and my hp will always hold a lot of memories of tonight. wahahahhahaa. *laughs harder and harder. weixing simply rocks la. hahaha. we met mr wong and his boyfriend. hahahaa. he introed his friend like that. cuckoo right?

met terrence there too. haha had a nice chat with him. he says he always sees me when there are concerts. =P. nice guy him.

its wishful thinking and wild imaginations that keeps me going. immersing myself in such dreams and smiling. i wish one day all this will happen. =). a girl can always dream.

tts all i am. a girl. i felt so inferior beside her. i went into the toilet and stared at myself. and stared at the people who were staring at me. i hated myself at that moment. i was nothing but a girl. so insignificant. i have nth special in me to make people.. u knw what? forget it. why wallow in self pity? bleahh.

i miss you win dude =). 'hey sweetie' was his welcome msg after so long of not chatting with him. gosh. i forgot how good looking u were and how u were always there for me no matter what =). friends always dude. mUah!

i miss huier mei. i dont knw why the hell i miss that girl so much when i havent even met her. sheesh. but i just do. love you loads =).

i have forgotten how to laugh. how i wish one day id be able to laugh like how i used to.

mr jj. i want to talk to you. i want to tell you all about my day. i want to hear your chuckle as you talk to me. hear the grin in your voice. why did you have to go away so fast? i miss you mr jj. come back soon.

letters that were never sent.

riahh ranted at 9:25:00 PM