Tuesday, May 10, 2005
i say one thing but my heart says another. so many signs. do i ignore them? or do i firmly tell myself to stop thinking and move on?

dont i sound so typical? urghh. so disgusting. how i always comment on people and scoff at them. teenage romance wont last people. like duhh. what goes arnd comes arnd riah. i hope u've learnt that by now. learn to be nice. dont tell people off for no reason. think before you talk.

yeahh. and first impression sooo counts ok. if u dont present urself well the first time i meet you its gona be hard for me to change my impression of you. so duhhh.

i so rawkk sometimes its unbelievable. i think so highly of myself. cause i knw im good at stuff that you arent. bad right? yeahh see? never learn. tskk. havent listened to econs in ages. but when she gave the data response i managed it just nice =). econs isnt as hard as i think it is. yeahh if o5c2 ppl would just return me my calc everything'd be fine and dandy.

my new shoes rawkk. like duhh. its a pair of running shoes. lost my locker key. ran the whole sch looking for jules. didnt change into my other pair of shoes cause scared sure kena siaa. omg. today when i ran. all i wanted to do was run. and run. and run. i felt so light. felt the drive. goshh. am so gona try out for long distance running next year. =). conditioning and shuttle runs. bleahh. ppl said i was good. muahahahha. tskk. =X.

it kept my mind off things. off him. =). healthy huh?

did econs during gp. boringg can? suriani found out abt it too. and she was like 'omg. im so affected. im so sorry riah.' and then jules hugged and kissed me and i hugged sue and kissed her. and mr chan took the mike and screamed lesbians! muahahahhahahaha. idiot.

my black bottle has always been with me. even when it leaked and he stopped using it i still used it. even when fauzi dropped it and it leaked even more. i still used it. i was so attached to it. today jules took a sip of water. i left it on the floor by my feet like i always do. chan let us off early. i brought everything to the front and packed my bag and left.

i realized that my bottle was left behind. omg. i panicked like crazy. rushed back to lecture theatre. not there! omg. i went thru every single row. looked in every dustbins on every row. i looked in the big dustbins. i went thru the lt corridor. i looked in the toilets. who would want a leakiee water bottle? its uglyy man. but its mine!

it had simply disappeared into thin air.

why so upset, is asked. it came in a pair sweetheart. one for him. one for me. and i lost it. it just left me like that. no reason. not being superstitious but i guess He wanted to tell me to let go. leave it. a better bottle will come by. more durable. who will stand by me for a longer time. ok whatever.

doesnt tt make me delusional? like. why make up lamezz reasons just to convince myself to forget him? u knw why? cause i cant. stupid songs. lyrics from all over start flooding my head. im getting too emo. emocore. or whatever fauzi called me. so sickening all this malay thingies sometimes.

love you siti. love you is. thanks for joining my 'make riah feel better' club. hugs are more than welcome. one day when i have the courage to cry i will call u guys out and we cry together ok? i promised you. and im not one to break my promises. im still in denial. so stubborn. dont wana cry cause wana show ppl im strong. tskk.

hung out at town for hours. i dont knw why. i was just so scared to walk anywhere near there. afraid id see things i shouldnt have. heavy hearted. just cant bring myself to enjoy the company of my friends. so anyway. they brought me to a turkish restaurant! yayness! talk abt yummy yummy! talk abt cheapp! it was so authentic sia. the guy wearing the turkey hat. den so arab-ish. ate turkish bread. wah laooo yum! had salad. off all kinds sia! omg! try try try everything. muahahhahaha. but i didnt try turkish ice cream today =PpP.

when i feel happy. id suddenly feel sad for no reason. fearing the worst. and my friends would hug me and tell me its nth. dont think abt it. its over. i nearly went on a shopping spree. madness. really absolute madness. already today eat eat eat. not hungry also eat. wasting moneyyy sia.

i donated money today. its a start to being good. =).

skipped floorball again. arghh. its so boring cann. grr. i need band! faster la saturday. i dont care who take us who never come who come. i dont care what they want to play. i just wana playyy. =). and then have dinner at far east with my wonderful babes. and yes POOL! i dont care man. i needa pool or i'll start slapping ppl left right centre.

many plans for the upcoming week. =). movies kbox and pooooooool! not to mention swimming and bbqing. heees. funn funn =).

today i listened to ray charles. his movie moved me. his songs are so good. love him too.

riahh ranted at 7:39:00 PM