Thursday, May 19, 2005
dear mr jj. did u read what he said abt me? i dont knw if i should be offended or i should feel hurt. strangely enough. i feel calm and at peace as if nothing in this world could ever hurt me again. i felt that same satisfaction i always do when people get mad at me. and tts a lot of satisfaction for a little girl like me.

i always ignore people and make most of them even angrier by purposely acting stupid in front of them. id just go ok. uh huh. sure. i understand. and they'd get all flared up and tts saying sth. was what i did right mr jj? was it a bid for unwavered attention again?

am i sick? do i have a personality disorder or sth? i like being the way i am. i derive such pleasures from the littlest thing in life. i can pyscho myself mr jj. if im feeling down id look forward to something that cheer me up. and almost always id smile again. i can make my own decisions you know. i can make myself smile. make myself cry. choose to do well. stop pretending to have time management problem because i can do it all on my own.

there is not only are you stupid or are you not. there's also sth called acting stupid. but some people dont believe me. they are so strictly constrained to black white yes no.

im childish mr jj. but i can control that too. be it self delusional or whatever that guy wana say but i have a high self esteem. im a narcissist and im proud of that. so what if ppl hate me? so what if they said im proud or whatever. its in my character to ignore idiots not worth talking to and who waste my time when they dont get things right the first time.

im charming. can i help that? yes. of course i can. i can switch it on. switch it off. as easy as abc. i can make people like me as much as others hate me. i can control my life. its a matter of whether i want to or not.

unfortunately words still never fail to sway me.

oh no wait. is this contradiction? never ending. blearghh.

hugs and kisses,
`r i a h .. muax ~!

riahh ranted at 8:59:00 PM