Tuesday, May 24, 2005
my writing is stagnant. i need to improve. my gp exam is in two days. but now is not the time yet. give me some breathing room. let me take a breather. i need space. i need time. not now.

not now.

today was funny. econs had us laughing like a couple of maniacs high on ecstasy. yes me being the highest of them all. emitting squeaks of breathless mirth every second. seems like everything cracks me up. bin hong needs a bib - he's spitting globs of coconut everywhere. hahahaha. and they were so fascinated by the way i speak. im reverting back to my old ways. shucks. the world is a much colorful place all of a sudden.

pe sucks la. mr chua is like super pms or whatever. im an inch close to collapsing like a sack of potatoes by his feet. ran like 10 over rounds over the bball and tennis courts. stupid chocolates and sour plums. stitch everywhere. felt like having a seizure right there and then. but i felt good anyhows. muscles are more taut and ive lost weight. yee hoo!

news travel fast. seems like a lot of people knw shah likes me and the endless teasing begins. and so ensues moments of awkwardness when im arnd him. blearghh. he told me he was looking for me in the lt. oh dearie me. not tt im very hard to notice lar since i was bouncing all over the place. read straits time. china is like so infected with a lot of outbreaks causing the death of moo moos and birds of all flights of life. sad things leh these animals.

and yeah deviating a bit. i may laugh as i watch american funniest animal vidoes or whatsits. but its cruelty to animals lar okayys? u think its funny watching a dog rescuing presents from under a christmas tree because he was freaked by a toy train? u think its funny watching a cat fall from a great height? it may not hurt them. but they wont even knw that they are being humiliated on national television and that millions of viewers the world over are laughing at them. tts bloody cruelty to animals lar. what if you were in their position and people all over laughed at you?

animal rights activist in the making - tts me.

i just came to school one day and suddenly i just hate the sight of you. im so sorry fauzi. i dont knw why. but i dont really care also. u can tell julie whatever u want. it wont affect me.

pissed and tired. such a deadly combination. was so worried abt the obs form at first. but i called ram and im like so relieved now that everything is settled. went to siettie's place after school to do the malay project. the underlying intention was of course. to gossip. baring the heart and soul and whatsits. so yes. her house was terrific. nice view. nice deco. nice music. nice mum too. hehe.

did a bit of work. talked most of the time. fooled arnd with her nice lappy. wanted to blog so bad. haha. everything that happens i must write it down. compulsive blogger. tts what i am. but people write so much better than me. feel intimidated. im like so affected by this sia. *imagines julies mad laughter

ok yeahhs. and so it seems. im like so affected by a lot of things. i want to write well. but up to this point alone my brain juice has been squeezed dry and tts abt all the creativity i can manage. sad life huh? and like im so affected by the horoscope thing i read in the papers today. good grief. why are humans such sad species? has the world taken such a sad turn that people are relying on daily horoscopes to live out their day?

shucks.

dang. doctor who examined me was so cute can. despite the protests from jules and siettie. haha. wasted. he had a wedding band. lol. but he's just so nice larr. and cute. did i mention that? hahahaha. and yeah hey jules. im so affected. *emit squeak of breathless mirth

me and julie were just crapping all the way. from the bus stop all the way to je. as usual ppl looked at us cause we laughed too loud. not that we could help it. we were just so affected by things. it started with her gp paranoia. and me with my horoscope thing. and then it branched out to the food which we ate. to whatever crap nonsense else. embarrassed ourselves silly with the stupid jonny cat at je. LOL.

blind bats we are. twee twee twee! *rawfles [rofl]. walk so far apart still can hear each other's laughter. laughing to ourselves sia. mad bitches. hahaha.

so yes. dont knw what i was feeling when is accidentally spilled it out to siettie. and then i learn that siettie already knew it from someone else. like wee hoo. i should write it on the board in school tmr. and announce to the whole world. but strangely i felt detached from this whole thing. blearghh. but whatever it is. i think i scared is. but im okayy now. im not embarassed or scared or whatever. i just dont want to get people into trouble.

siettie went off and she msged me. and im getting all emo again. shucks. why are people being so nice to me? sheeesh.

i felt so bad. shikin was like so lonely and when she saw me she was waving. and i was busily yakking on the phone. and i gave her a half hearted wave. and shucks. im supposed to stay far far away from these people. but shucks. guilt eating me from inside. eyerr.

after a shower i sat by the window and the wind from the harbour blew in. i couldnt help it. i love nights like these. when i used to sit by the river at marina with him. when he would hold me close and i would cuddle and laugh and stuff. eyerrr. sweet memories. LOL. i still like that place. i would tell him 'honey dont go away from me okayy?' and he would laughingly reply 'haha go where babes? go where? marina ah?' and he would laugh by himself. crazy fellow.

=). good night.

riahh ranted at 10:19:00 PM