Saturday, April 02, 2005
Friday, April 01, 2005

YeS! Sorry to disappoint the other houses.. OsPREY WON!! CLAP CLAP..SO happi, finally osprey won.. Eagle poor thing leh, never top be.RIah, we won! I am so happi...And b4 i forget, seniors also got go leh but y u never go.Aniwae, Happi April Fool Day~~~

im so touched. hehs. little gestures of kindness makes me feel so happpy =). ok that was from xin yi. hee. someone who i couldnt stand for months on end. but i guess. as much as i would have liked to suan her for the rest of my life. and make fun of her hair. its fated tt we end up this way.

fate.

makes me think. do i really take this stuff seriously?

going to jc. taking my a's and going to u has always been my dream since young. what i really wanted to do was write. be a journalist. but as i grew up. i realized the hard work needed to achieve what i want. i started to slack. and turned to poly. thinking that id do well as a kindergarden teacher. shucks. and my my. fate intervened. however i protested that studying isnt for me anymore. look where i ended up in. mi.

much as i wanted to deny it. i think its fate. i think that before i was born. God wrote a story abt me in his big book. He decided to name me hawariah. and give me the gift to write well and have a flair for english. He gave me life experiences. the lack of friends in p3. He made me grow up faster. He made me encounter 3 incredibly immature guys in p3. He watched me fall and get up again when i had a crush on a teacher. He showed me that i wasnt incredibly hopeless when i got an A for malay in PSLE. it was fated that i landed with an awesome class in sec 1 and 2. He showed me that guys make better friends. i ended up with so many guy friends. so little girl friends. He showed me my weakness. how i wasnt strong enough to resist temptations when the time calls. how i had lost sth so imp to me to a guy who was merely passing by in my life. God made me stubborn. and stubborn i was. as much as i wanted to give up that relationship i was afraid to let go. and it dragged on and on and on. He showed me happiness at the end of it all. He showed me what type of a person my distant cousin was. how i had been blinded by the thirst for attention to ignore his behaviour.

He wanted me to make friends with ppl who are superficial. and these ppl who i thought were my best friends are now nobodys to me. He wanted to make me see that you can only depend on yourself to do well. i soared thru the prep for o levels alone. i emerged triumphant. not the greatest results on earth. but they were my very own effort. He showed me again how weak i was. when i turned to stealing. but He made me cope with it. cause He wrote in someone else's book to guide me. to catch me if i should fall again.

the story became a little mundane and so God decided to add a little spice. He created a new characted called refat. refat became the conductor for my band. God gave me a pleasure in watching my band grow and blossom. He made me grow thru the ups and downs of jubilance. He taught me how to fight for something that i wanted really bad. He watched my band members cry and scream in anger and frustration when we were told that there would be no concert. God had something up His sleeve. He paired me and refat together. and He wrote a beautiful story abt the two of us.

but then He decided that refat and me tak kena. LOL. so he separated us. its just one chapter closed. another one is opening. i wonder what God has in store for me. i wonder what tmr brings. and i wonder how long he is going to put me through this rough period of my life. this period of big changes. of stepping out into a world. away from home. literally. =P. away from my friends. away from my nice warm cocoon. where i was protected. and where little issues now seem insignificant.

as i write all this. i feel that God put refat in my life to guide me thru my most crucial year in sec sch. but that time has come to an end now. and now God feels that im strong enough to stand on my own and put to use what has been taught to me this past year. this is where i start my life all on my own. im entering adult life. where i make my own decisions. AND TAKE MY OWN NOTES! =P.

God must be smiling now. knwing that what happened last night has changed me. and He feels relieved that He's knocked some sense into me.

maybe today i will meet someone new. maybe today i will realize that alumni isnt tt bad after all. maybe today i will eat something tt i really wanted. maybe today i will have a good tone. maybe today i will be happy.

may sunshine peer thru this curtain of uncertainty and dark clouds of gloom.

stop thinking and start living. thank You God. thank you fat. i love you both. friends forever. =)

riahh ranted at 12:52:00 PM