Monday, March 28, 2005
i just want to stop thinking. stop it stop it stop it. stop all these thoughts from flowing in my mind. keeping me a daze all the time. forcing me to will myself not to cry. im so so tired. i just want to blank out.

its torture.

bus was unusually cold today. must remember to bring jackett tmr. ended up me and my friends waited at the wrong place for each other. wear uniform not so big deal le. no more enthusiasm. so tiredd. i have to sing the national anthem AND the school song every morning. hair check. i so kpo. sheeesh. peek here peek there see who kena. and its like today is the first time they check and those who never comply got a warning letter which parents must signn. HAHAHAHA.

and then came the bomb.

'students who wish to retake their o levels under the sch. pls look for mr eric ng asap.'

oh pleaseee. after register all so susah den u give this announcement. went to look for him den he say he'll call moe and bla bla. seems a lot of pupils also already sign up for the private one. i dont have to retake. cause i comply with the conditional something something. =PpP. but scaredd la. later go uni say what need pass in e math all. mati man. better safe than sorry. =)

lost in thoughts. in a daze the whole morning. restless. dont feel like doing this dont feel like doing that. but after a rejuvenating game of capt's ball. my blood was pumping. and i got psyched. =). im still a good defender no less. og15 are just sore losers. sheeeesh. lose den kick the bench all. tskk. yupps after that was the telematch. *grins. very lame. 5 stations.

first station. 8 girls had to tie 10 ponytails on 2 guys. tts 10 ponytails EACH. lol. the guys looked so cutee. den they had to cross over to the other station by crawling across garbage bags littered with leaves. rain. flour. and oh yeah. soap. yuckk. no thanks wanks. second station they had to go round the baseball bat 15 times. my friends never walked straight again after that. third station we had to complete a puzzle of our new campus. wah biangg. cut until siao. how to fix?! yeah after the miserably thrown water bombs. we had to move across the last stretch by moving chairs along. LOL. stupid larr. but damn fun. like. 'move the chair. faster faster!' den yayness! never lose. hahahahhahahahaha.

yeah really pysched for soccer. wah biangg. turned out it was like 4 teams playing at the same time. and they can score at any of the 4 goalposts. so many ppl. and only girls can score. so boringgg.

throughout the whole day. i sustained 7 kicks to the shin and used up 5 plasters. LOL. tt is damn pathetic larrr.

the best part of the day? it kept my mind off things. and truly it really kept my spirits up. =). started crapping arnd and being cute. =PPP. yeah when refat msged abt the shuqun rehearsal. i asked st pats to come. duno whats his name. i just call by sch. HAHAHA. but he end up dun wan to come le. wah biangg. he thought i asked him out on a date lorr. oh pleaseeee. -_-".

reached home at 6. faster faster chiongg. bathe le den rush out of the hse. walk like siao like that. reach there liao no one accompany me. feel a bit sad larr. one thing never get to listen. and the other like he dont really seem to care larr. =(. ahh shucks. but dunno lehh. when msg him and he dont sound so offhand. feel lots lots better. walk home slowwwwwwwwwwwwwly. =).

very stupid la this sadness thing. still very hung up on him. and pls lor riahh. wake up. self pity is really like the lowest form of being pathetic. like think think think den saddd. think think think den depressed all. but i cant help it. im coping with this alone. ahhh shucks. at night suddenly like that. and you knw why? its because i keep thinking why im not sad. the one time tt im feeling good i think of stupid things.

restless. nightmares again tonight. shucks. sch tmr lehhh. sheeeesh.

his life is slowing getting back on track. what abt mine?

i have decided to take up sports again. =). i will act kanchiong spider and sign up for tennis. floorball and band. decided to forgo bowling. ahh shucks. can learn outside larr. hehe. i need to slim down! arghh. and yes keep myself occupied. keep my thoughts away from him. i must.

i called mr han. to ask if he was gg. i used my hse phone but he never ans. so i left. den my mum said he sounded so happy when she told him i called. =_=". oh please. like win millon dollars like that. yuckkk.

faster faster lehh. need to find male partner for mi dance tmr. argh. I WANT TAUFIQ!! wah biang. its like he's superrr tall. super cutee. super smartt. super malayy. LOL. but ah shucks. good things always kena grab first larr. oh wait. no he's not cute. he's drop dead gorgeous. btw he's one of the SC. *smiles.

tell me when will u be mine. quando quando quandoooooo. =)

lessons starting soon le. hope its fun. just got timetable today. shucks. cant wait. =). toodles!

riahh ranted at 8:04:00 PM