Saturday, March 26, 2005
only 3 hrs of sleep. im so afraid to close my eyes. each time i close my eyes. images start flashing. past conversations start to echo. everything comes back to mind. i willed myself not to cry. and i didnt. i think that is an achievement dont you think.

each time the reminiscence come. i open my eyes. many times i hear myself saying 'dun do it. dun let the tears fall.' and then i'll see myself a few years down the road. a happier me. smiling and laughing. and i saw myself asking honeyy if we could give ourselves a second chance. what a laugh. gullible enough to be fooled by my ownself.

the nightmare starts over.

rot in sch from 8 plus till 2 plus. apparently the alumni committee didnt turn up for the monthly alumni meeting or whatever. and ms prema was pissed. and she wouldnt give us the key. saying that we were using the sch for our own benefits. ok. learn to keep cool. calm. just take it in. partly i was too emotionally drained to snap back. and partly also because i wanted to learn a little responsibility.

we're not the committee but we are the alumni band. so yeahh.

ate kfc. walked arnd in ntuc. kel kept poking my stomach to constantly remind me that im fat. =X. wah biang. he kept eating and eating. buying all kind of things. sheeesh. yeah laugh laugh. den i took back a balloon. but i gave it away. =(. so sad. oh yes. kel taught me chinese today. he taught me all the names of the vegetables there. haha. but i can only rmb yi shu shu. tts corn on the cob. im smart! yayness!

it seems that everyone i knw has two sides. i didnt mean to read kel's msges. but saw his msges with clarence. apparently he's damn upset that i was there with the 'regularz'. kind of like being a killjoy or whatever. and kel was like friends forever and all that crap. and he was siding with clarence abt this matter. sheesh. seems honeyy's msg stirred a lot of problems. oh please. whatever. too tired to care.

band was actually ok. i wished i had stayed on. i wish i had played myself. tired myself out. we practiced outside. just the three of us. but kel had no scores. so it was pretty boring for him. me and yew hao started on simple pieces. i think it was that thing u do. den mulan and all that. sounded good. long notes. simple rhythm. my tone is coming back can? =). well at least its sth to cheer up abt. can feel the roundness of my notes. no more tight thin gasping-for-air tone. my high notes are so delightful. heeee. but low notes still suck a lot la.

played queen's park soli and solo. sheeeesh. what can i say. im damn proud of myself. haha. im one lame piece of rabbit shit. =).

yew hao will try my parts and i his. him to work on high notes. me to work on low notes. today warmed up with lots and lots of low notes. played with hao's eupho. wah sehhhh. so easy to blow out lorrrr. ha. using b and h tbone today. a good player will still sound decent no matter how bad the instrument is. =). shucks *embarrassed.

now my problem is still recognising notes. and shucks. breathing. yeah ms tan talked abt being a goldfish. but yew hao is like a dying goldfish. =X. not to mention me. cant seem to breathe thru the nose. shucks. whats the nose for riahh? =PpP.

went to expo for metro warehouse sale. already spirits start to dampen. bought two jeans and two bra. shucks. no i dont want to go home. please. i want to stay out. i dont want to be left alone with my thoughts. but all good day comes to an end.

shucks. sorry mag! i really didnt see you yest. if i had i would have said hi. =(.

now here. blogging. cat had bao bei in his mouth! but no blood la. just the whole household in chaos. they pinched ah bee's ear. and he let go of bao bei. bao bei was drowning in ah bee's saliva. sheeesh. in all the confusion one of the five muskeeters got away. but was later recovered. too bad for your chance to escape. *flicks backside. all in all. only mai's hamster -my oh my- slept through the whole scenario. just like mai.

dull ache somewhere in me. a heaviness. im a hypocrite too. cause...

i cant seem to let go of you.

please dont leave me babes. i love you. missed you today too. mUah mUah! =)

riahh ranted at 8:30:00 PM