Wednesday, January 19, 2005
eating my late dinner as i type this entry. am proud with my cookie baking. it turned out fantastic. =). im sorry babe i cant get u anything better. =PpP. hehs. broke as always. hope u like them.

alumni meeting today. hmm. feeling kinda cautious at first. thought of meeting hao den go together but he was already out with the rest so yeahh. meeting was ok. no hard feelings. alumni are pretty nice ppl. very nice actually. maybe cause they're adults. =). yepp. problem lies not with them but with someone who is NOT in the alumni. but then again. ignorance is bliss. so shall say no more. hopefully all works out well and we can adapt to the new conductor. but we're all grown ups now. we can choose to follow or not to do so if we're not comfortable with it. so yeah. hmm.

buried papa hamster. sorry i couldnt bury u properly. =(. soil was hard ok dearie?

still reeling from the fact tt ive been with him for a year already. =PpP. long huh? ups and downs. hmm. quite a lot of downs actually. towards the end of the year. misunderstandings cause of band. and den i come to realize that our relationship wont stay the same. it wont stay the way i want it to be. his love and passion is so strong. overwhelming at times. it was always there only tt it hasnt come out at the right moment. as much as i yearn for the days when everything was simple. it wont happen. so i have got to live with it.

sometimes i wish i had someone who could be there for me when i needed him/her. but they always seem to find someone better than me. do i try too hard to be nice? to fit in? can they somehow see. somehow sense the real me behind this curtain of doubt? that im a clingy. over sensitive. boring person? and the ppl who are willing to be there for me are simply idiots. who talk too much. pretending to knw it all.

is this karma? is this karma happening to me? maybe i have offended too many ppl in the past. maybe i have hurt them with my words. maybe they have tolerated me long enough. maybe they cant stand my temper. maybe im just. unlikeable. and each time i offend someone. a friend walks off.

is it too late to make amendments? i try to be less sensitive now. but is too late? i have turned away ppl who are sincere abt making friends. maybe i should stop being such a snob and learn to accept everyone else just as they are. but they dun seem too keen abt it. six straws to a cup really cheered my mood. hmm.

im crying. but who's listening?


riahh ranted at 1:50:00 AM