Thursday, December 09, 2004
what can i say? life's a box of chocolates? ha.ha. what a laugh.. after today life's a box of expired chocolates.. he scolded my section today.. what can i say? cant even count a crotchet and a quaver.. ha.. im no better than the trumpeters.. say them some more la.. sight read les mis and phantom today.. les mis.. changes in key signatures.. changes in time signatures.. funny and weird tempos.. cant catch tts fine.. in a 4 4 bar.. quaver crotchet quaver minim.. ha.. cant even come in properly on the first beat.. what a laugh.. yeah i should really look at my juniors.. amazingly andy has higher powers of concentration.. play les mis.. miscounted.. stopped playing altogether.. didnt even look at him to see where we are now..

the whole time.. only andy was in tempo.. a few wrong notes.. but still in tempo.. stuff i have been screaming at my section 'wrong note never mind just get on with the next note.. whats wrong with u?!' and 'can count or not? can COUNT or not?!'.. they can laugh at me now.. i cant count and i didnt carry on with the next note when i made a mistake.. i have truly failed as an SL.. tracy and andy u can laugh at me.. i deserved that..

huey min broke down.. and trumpeters actually dared to defy refat.. when he asked the first trumpets to hold the last note of their solo.. they just.. like.. lazy to pick up.. slouching some more.. really shocked me.. a new day a new feeling of total LOSS.. whats happening?

i can understand why trumpeters seem so scared.. he scolded us once for not being able to come in properly.. my fault.. i played the quaver as a pick up.. all he shouted was 'come in properly.. cant u see its a quaver on the first beat?!'.. shook me.. shook us.. cant come in properly at all after that.. shouted at us once and we ended up like that.. he's been screaming at the trumpeters since forever.. little wonder they're so afraid..

each time a section plays wrong.. he shakes his head.. give that 'useless.. all useless' face.. when we play soft he say 'play out.. play wrong also never mind.. at least i hear ur mistakes'.. if play loud hear the mistake.. scold some more.. sometimes he also got attitude problem.. seriously.. either he trying to show our guests players tt he can be fierce or he really fed up with the band.. he keeps telling me that gg down to shuqun is making him more and more bad tempered.. is that the only reason?

bad start to a new day.. sigh.. but one thing im proud of? bm band spirit is still there.. apparent in the most ridiculous way.. he left us an hour before we packed up.. yupp.. ppl screaming everywhere as usual.. throwing latest insults we learnt from him 'idiots! retards! dumb!'.. and when azman told queena tt they were gona stay back in the band room to do the snake she retorted 'no what.. going yee gin hse what.. cannot remember ah? short term memory ah? short term like me ah? too slow to rememeber ah?'.. to which of course azman laughed like a mad cow..

all this said with a pinch of humor.. waited for everyone to assemble at merahan square before we ran together.. as a band.. throw words at us lor.. but we still as crazy as before.. even if its on the outside..

heaviness inside of me.. each prac leaves me heavier and heavier.. wish prac will start picking up.. wish that there is a piece which sounds halfway decent which will leave refat feeling happy and not so stressed.. i dun want to bother him anymore unless necessary.. he seems a changed man right after he steps out the band room.. joking merrily with kenny and all.. he might as well just stepped out of the comfort of his room..

sighh.. gota stay focused.. concert's getting nearer.. jia you band!


riahh ranted at 10:02:00 PM