Thursday, June 17, 2004
ok tts it.. ive had it.. while i was trying to be a nice person and make everyone happy tonight im depressed.. after pouring out the whole load of stuff abt me into my blog.. programme hanged.. well well can life get any worse.. it aint so bad if i had just written a para or two.. it was long dammit.. bloody long.. and i wasnt even gonna end yet [pardon my lang pls].. so now im just gonna have to sleep later while i try to recall all that i said just now..
things arent going the way i want it to be [selfish i knw.. im sorry].. i love u refat [hey its MY blog so i can choose to say it any way i want!].. ur the best thing that's ever happened to me [cliched i knw].. we're gonna be 5 mths old babes [5 years] and im supposed to be more and more secure.. but im not.. babes im getting more and more insecure.. maybe because im so sure that we're gonna be together that im afraid sth bad is gonna happen..
[yaWns] babes im glad that after all tis time ur so comfy with us that ur relaxed with our relationship.. i like that cause it just proves to me how much u reali cherish tis relationship.. how much u want to be in it [right?].. but babes sometimes u relax a little too much u knw and ur attention just.. gets lesser and lesser.. i miss the old refat babes.. who's always.. u knw.. looks out for me all de time.. like asking me whether ive eaten or have i napped and calling me all those cute little names [its private! i will NOT say it here =P].. well for a few mths u stopped being like that i didnt complain.. i guess i didnt reali notice much.. but suddenly when u start being sweet all over again.. melting me like ice kachang on a sunny day [ok its supposed to make u smile cause its l.a.M.e].. tts when i realize how much i missed ur attention.. babes honestly i have never had a guy who is willing to work so hard in our relationship to bring us together.. not just together babe.. but closer..
it could have been some other peeps babe.. instead of kenny it could have been jaya or someone equally perverted.. i knw what kind of guys they are.. i knew what kind of person kenny was before i msged him.. but he made me feel good u knw.. for that one night.. he didnt tell me mushy things.. didnt praise me.. he was just.. a friend babe.. a nice friend who can pass the time with me [oh god im tearing.. forgive me sweetie].. like u said babe.. u made them feel good it made u feel good.. its the same with me babe..
i have always been a pampered little kid.. took things for granted and now im left with nth.. have to save like mad just to get sth.. tts why i dun ask fr much babes.. i dun need all those unnecessary things.. i knw where i stand.. what i reali missed tho from my old days is the attention.. like everyone else babe i reali wanted to FEEL wanted.. i knw we've been thru tis but it just wont go away.. im not deprived babes.. i dun need presents and all.. its ur exes who are deprived babes cause they never got to experience the love that ur giving me now..
just stick with me till de end wokay? nth's gonna happen to me babes with u arnd.. [huge yawn o.0] i dun wan u to force urself to be extra sweet [extra sweet babes.. u are already sweet] to me just because of what happened ok?
wokay.. let's take a breather now.. i dun reali recall if tis is what i reali wanted to say.. gosh.. i reali do have stm [short term memory].. again i have cooled down.. and am feeling a lil better [and yes vatsan it IS therapeutic]
[continued] uh huh and abt tt call 2 hrs ago.. i got all upset and teary [sowee x a million!] when u wanted to put down and all.. i just panicked sweetie when i realized that ive got nth to say.. and den when i tot of sth u say sth.. and all those clashes u knw.. very uncomfy!! =(.. u knw and i knw tt i didnt used to be like tis.. i tink i just craved ur comfort and attention so bad tt im back to ma evil attention seeking scheme.. sighh [guilty as charged babes.. u may do what u want with me].. im scared to tell u when im upset and all.. cause im always upset about the most unimportant thing u knw.. ok i get it now! i knw why im upset! i forgot NOT to be upset abt all the little wittle silly things u knw.. [hey vatsan.. im reali getting into tis u knw!]
im sorry if i seem crazee.. its de middle of the night.. and conveniently i forgot what reali depressed me in the first place.. sighh.. i wish i wasnt wrung so tight abt us.. i think i should learn to loosen up.. and stop worrying abt the little wittle things that dun matter.. =P.. mUah babes.. nytz..
riahh ranted at
2:03:00 AM
